Every once in a while, I find myself getting increasingly annoyed about something. We’ve all been there.
A friend who hasn’t answered your texts, a roommate who hasn’t taken out the trash, a neighbor that lets their dog shit on the small patch of grass in front of your house but doesn’t pick it up, and—even though you’ve put up several very obvious “NO POOP ZONE” signs right next to the patch of grass—your neighbor still lets the dog do its business on your patch.
These sorts of things happen all of the time in life, and we have four choices for how to handle it. We can either:
In this case, I’m using mature as a catchall phrase that means calm, responsible, and measured. To the contrary, immature in this case means erratic, angry, and emotionally charged.
Being a person who hates confrontation, my usual response to these annoying situations is scenario D. I don’t address the problem and instead brew in silent fury. I become irritable, moody, and passive aggressive. I surrender myself to the shitty situation and pray that someday things might be better.
However, occasionally, I find myself in scenario C. I still don’t address the situation, but I do so because I realize that there are bigger fish to fry. I stop and I ask myself: is this actually such a big deal? Maybe the reason my friend hasn’t texted me back is because they are dealing with something more important or urgent in their life. I shouldn’t be so quick to get annoyed and should be more flexible with them.
The problem is that becoming a scenario C person takes A LOT of willpower. And sometimes, I just don’t have it. After a long week, I might not have the self control to choose to be a scenario C person, and on top of that, I might not even have the determination to passively walk away from the situation as a scenario D person. When you hit your wits end, you might snap and become a scenario B person.
A scenario B person likes to lash out at people when annoying things happen to them. If their neighbor's dog keeps shitting on their patch of grass, a scenario B person might wait until the nighttime when everyone has gone to sleep and slash their neighbor’s tires. Or maybe they send some very angry texts to the friend who hasn’t been responding to them. Either way, the behavior is destructive. One quick outburst can cause lasting damage.
The reality is that none of these scenarios (B, C, or D) are a responsible way to act. You suffer alone in scenario D; you depend on unreliable willpower for scenario C; and you risk causing serious damage in scenario B.
So what’s the answer?
Scenario A—address the situation in a mature manner. For example, send a text to the friend who isn’t responding to you that says: Hey, I’ve been thinking of you. Hope everything is going ok. I’d love to hear from you soon.
Or tell your roommate that hasn’t taken out the trash: Hey, I think it’s your turn to take out the trash tonight. Would you mind taking it out?
Or tell the dog owner: Excuse me, I’ve left a sign that asks your dog not to poop here. Can you please take your dog somewhere else to poop?
Seems easy, right?
WRONG.
It’s difficult to do or say the right thing, especially when you are feeling emotionally charged or annoyed about a situation. It can also be somewhat nerve wracking because we have no clue how people will respond to our requests. What if the dog owner gets angry and starts berating us?
The truth is that scenario A is not a perfect solution, but it is the best solution you have in your toolkit to try to correct the situation. If you don’t say anything, you can’t expect anything to change. In most circumstances, everything will work out fine. People tend to be forgiving and accommodating. In other circumstances, it might not work out, which is fine too.
But you have to at least give yourself a chance. So the next time somebody does something that annoys you, just address it as maturely as you can.
It might seem difficult at first, but you’ll be surprised how easy it actually is once it’s done.
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Every once in a while, I find myself getting increasingly annoyed about something. We’ve all been there.
A friend who hasn’t answered your texts, a roommate who hasn’t taken out the trash, a neighbor that lets their dog shit on the small patch of grass in front of your house but doesn’t pick it up, and—even though you’ve put up several very obvious “NO POOP ZONE” signs right next to the patch of grass—your neighbor still lets the dog do its business on your patch.
These sorts of things happen all of the time in life, and we have four choices for how to handle it. We can either:
In this case, I’m using mature as a catchall phrase that means calm, responsible, and measured. To the contrary, immature in this case means erratic, angry, and emotionally charged.
Being a person who hates confrontation, my usual response to these annoying situations is scenario D. I don’t address the problem and instead brew in silent fury. I become irritable, moody, and passive aggressive. I surrender myself to the shitty situation and pray that someday things might be better.
However, occasionally, I find myself in scenario C. I still don’t address the situation, but I do so because I realize that there are bigger fish to fry. I stop and I ask myself: is this actually such a big deal? Maybe the reason my friend hasn’t texted me back is because they are dealing with something more important or urgent in their life. I shouldn’t be so quick to get annoyed and should be more flexible with them.
The problem is that becoming a scenario C person takes A LOT of willpower. And sometimes, I just don’t have it. After a long week, I might not have the self control to choose to be a scenario C person, and on top of that, I might not even have the determination to passively walk away from the situation as a scenario D person. When you hit your wits end, you might snap and become a scenario B person.
A scenario B person likes to lash out at people when annoying things happen to them. If their neighbor's dog keeps shitting on their patch of grass, a scenario B person might wait until the nighttime when everyone has gone to sleep and slash their neighbor’s tires. Or maybe they send some very angry texts to the friend who hasn’t been responding to them. Either way, the behavior is destructive. One quick outburst can cause lasting damage.
The reality is that none of these scenarios (B, C, or D) are a responsible way to act. You suffer alone in scenario D; you depend on unreliable willpower for scenario C; and you risk causing serious damage in scenario B.
So what’s the answer?
Scenario A—address the situation in a mature manner. For example, send a text to the friend who isn’t responding to you that says: Hey, I’ve been thinking of you. Hope everything is going ok. I’d love to hear from you soon.
Or tell your roommate that hasn’t taken out the trash: Hey, I think it’s your turn to take out the trash tonight. Would you mind taking it out?
Or tell the dog owner: Excuse me, I’ve left a sign that asks your dog not to poop here. Can you please take your dog somewhere else to poop?
Seems easy, right?
WRONG.
It’s difficult to do or say the right thing, especially when you are feeling emotionally charged or annoyed about a situation. It can also be somewhat nerve wracking because we have no clue how people will respond to our requests. What if the dog owner gets angry and starts berating us?
The truth is that scenario A is not a perfect solution, but it is the best solution you have in your toolkit to try to correct the situation. If you don’t say anything, you can’t expect anything to change. In most circumstances, everything will work out fine. People tend to be forgiving and accommodating. In other circumstances, it might not work out, which is fine too.
But you have to at least give yourself a chance. So the next time somebody does something that annoys you, just address it as maturely as you can.
It might seem difficult at first, but you’ll be surprised how easy it actually is once it’s done.
